


After Everything

by reeby10



Series: Marvel Shipping Games 2014 [18]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Presumed Dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 18:11:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3143768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeby10/pseuds/reeby10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything, after all this time searching and hoping, he’d failed Clint. And there was nothing more he could do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Everything

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Main Round 2 at the [Marvel Shipping Games](http://marvelshippinggames.dreamwidth.org/). We weren't supposed to crosspost until after voting but the mods have abandoned us so screw it lol

SHIELD was once again the premiere intelligence agency in the US. It had taken years, far more than anyone had wanted, but they’d clawed their way back up from destruction and infamy. They’d even managed to cut Hydra down to a few writhing bits across the world.

It should have been cause to celebrate, and to most be people it was. The night they confirmed that all the top Hyrda operatives on their list had been taken out in the explosion that had decimated their main compound, champagne bottles had been uncorked and the parties had gone on until the wee hours of the morning.

Phil tried to convince himself that he was still sober because he was the Director and thus he needed to be ready in case of an emergency, but he knew deep down that wasn’t it. Melinda hadn’t believed it either, but at least she’d left him alone about it, even dragging Skye out to some party in the labs so she couldn’t bother him either.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t exhilarated by the near perfect execution of a mission that practically brought Hydra to its knees after so many decades of strife. He really was. It was just that the secondary portion of the mission, the secret one that only he and a select few others had known about, had failed. He hadn’t been able to find Clint.

Anyone with a connection with SHIELD had gone to ground after Natasha released the SHIELD files to the public, but Phil and his team had worked tirelessly afterward to find them as they rebuilt SHIELD. They’d been successful in many cases and not successful in many more. Dozens of agents went to Hydra after SHIELD collapsed and dozens more were killed by any number of SHIELD enemies. There were a few they’d never been able to track down and no one really knew what had happened to them.

Clint was one of those few.

Starting a few months before everything fell apart, Clint was put on a deep cover mission somewhere Phil wasn’t allowed to know about. No matter how much he’d begged, Nick wouldn’t tell him. And no matter how much he hated it, he knew why. None of the Avengers were to know he was alive, even Clint, who he’d been friends and teammates with almost since the archer was recruited. That’s the way it had to be.

He hadn’t even regretted it that much until the info went public and SHIELD agents were forced to run for whatever cover they could. By then it was too late, Clint’s whereabouts were unknown and Phil didn’t have the resources to track him when there were more pressing matters to be handled.

Nick had offered to search while he conducted his own business, and Phil had been grateful for it, but even the former director of SHIELD had little luck. There were whispers here and there, but nothing concrete. Nothing that could be used to track Clint down or even find out where he’d gone. It had taken almost a year of nothing but failure to figure out that wherever Clint was, he hadn’t gone there willingly.

A few more months and a few more whispers and they’d gotten some info on his whereabouts, about as conclusive as they could hope for. He was being held at the main Hydra compound, though they didn’t know where it was, or at least with the head Hydra scientists. None of that was much help, but it gave Phil hope, at least for a little while.

He’d started sending out agents on side missions when they infiltrated various Hydra compounds, not letting them know what the true purpose was but hoping against hope they’d find something. They only got more whispers.

Their big break, for SHIELD as a whole and Phil’s private mission, had come later, after Phil had pretty much given up any hope of finding Clint alive or dead. He knew Clint wouldn’t have turned and there was little reason for Hydra to keep a loyal SHIELD agent for so long, especially if they weren’t going to use him as leverage.

Natasha was the one who brought in the information. Phil knew she knew the implications, she’d figured out what he was doing long ago but hadn’t said anything because she wanted Clint back as bad as he did. They finally had the location of the main Hydra compound and they would use that to take down Hydra once and for all.

The plan went exactly according to plan, more so than Phil could have dreamed it would. Every high ranking member of Hydra was accounted for, killed either before or during the explosion that wiped out the compound and several hundred yards of the surrounding countryside. Phil wanted to be very sure this time that they had taken out Hydra at its core.

The mission to take down Hydra had taken nearly their entire company of SHIELD agents, but Phil managed to keep a few back for one last shot at recovering Clint. Natasha of course was at the head of that operation. Even though he, as the director, couldn’t be there, he knew he could count on her to work as hard as he would to make the mission a success.

Despite everything, though, they’d failed once again. There were signs that Clint had been held there at some time, but he was no longer there and by the end there was no one to interrogate for his whereabouts. The trail was truly dead this time.

That was the thought that kept Phil from enjoying the “Hydra is dead” party. He wandered through HQ, smiling and congratulating agents as needed, but he felt a little like he was breaking. After everything, after all this time searching and hoping, he’d failed Clint. And there was nothing more he could do.

“I hate being director,” he muttered to himself, leaning against a wall for a moment. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the drunken revelry going on, but opened his eyes a moment later when he sensed someone next to him.

“So you’ve said many times,” Natasha said, banked sadness in her eyes.

Phil smiled wryly at her. “And I’m sure I’ll say it many more times,” he said. He sighed, rubbing at his temples where a headache was starting to develop. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

Natasha gave him the look that meant she thought he was being an idiot. “I could ask the same of you,” she said. Her look softened to something more akin to pity. “We did everything we could. You know that, I know that. I’m sure he knew that too.”

Phil wanted to argue, wanted to say that it didn’t matter because Clint was most likely dead and Phil hadn’t been able to save him. Hadn’t been able to keep his promise to never leave a man behind.

“Phil,” Natasha started, but Phil shook his head. He knew what she was going to say and he didn’t really need to hear it.

“It’s alright, Natasha,” Phil said, giving her a small but grateful smile. “I’ll be fine and I won’t let this affect our work here. I just need a little time.”

Natasha looked like she wanted to argue, but after a few moments she nodded. “Why don’t you get out of here for awhile?” she said. “Melinda and I can hold down the fort until morning.”

“Well, I haven’t had a chance to take Lola out for awhile…”

***

It took awhile to make it down to the garage. Every agent he saw on the way wanted to stop and discuss their success against Hydra and Phil felt it was his duty to commend them on their hard work on the mission. By the time he made it to Lola, it was late enough to be early and he was exhausted. A short drive and then home would probably be best.

He was just about to turn the lights on in the garage when he saw a flicker of movement. Immediately, he was on guard, hand moving instinctively to his gun. He crept forward, trying not to make any noise. The movement had come inside Lola, so he was really hoping to be able to take down whoever it was without any shots being fired.

There was movement again and he could just make out an arm stretching up over the side. “You there, this is Director Coulson of SHIELD!” he called, gripping his gun harder and readying himself for anything. “Show yourself!”

“Phil?” came a voice, followed by a head popping up from the back seat.

Phil nearly dropped his gun in shock, shock and relief making him suddenly weak. “Cint?” he said, voice cracking.

The shadowed head moved until Phil could see Clint in the dim light, looking thinner than he remembered and a little worse for wear, but very much alive. “Hi, Phil.”

“How did you- I thought you were-” Phil stuttered, unable to think straight. He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Is it really you?”

Clint smiled and nimbly hopped out of Lola, coming to a stop a few feet in front of Phil. As much as Phil wanted to relax, wanted to hug Clint and never let him go, he had to be sure it was really him first. Hydra was in ruins, but he and SHIELD still had many enemies.

“It’s a long story. No, I’m not dead. And yes, it’s really me,” Clint said, smirking a little. His face softened a little and he suddenly looked tired and gaunt. “I thought I was a goner, sir. I really didn’t think I’d make it back. But I wanted to…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “Just like Bangkok, huh, sir?”

Phil couldn’t hold back a snort. “Something like that,” he said, lowering his gun. He was reasonably sure it was really Clint standing there. “I’m- I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” Clint said softly. He cleared his throat, taking a tentative step forward. Phil thought he could see a hint of a blush through the gloom, but he couldn’t really be sure. “I promised myself there was something I’d do if I ever got back, so I’m gonna, uh, do that.”

“What-”

The kiss caught Phil of guard, but only for a moment, and then he was kissing back, desperate and shaking with relief and hope. Clint made to back away, but Phil reached up to grab him and pull him back in. They kissed and kissed, pouring everything they’d never said into it. Phil thought he was happier than he’d been in years, maybe ever, as he clutched at Clint’s biceps.

Eventually they had to pull back for breathe, but they didn’t go far, foreheads pressed together as they panted. A sudden thought had Phil laughing, breaking away.

Clint looked at him, a slightly confused smile on his face. “I didn’t think kissing me was that hilarious,” he said.

“It’s not,” Phil assured him. “It’s just… you’ve been declared dead.”

Clint looked at him for a minute, then shook his head, laughing as well. “Not really unexpected,” he said wryly, then gave Phil a grin and a wink. “But I think I have an in with the director. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Yeah,” Phil breathed. They’d figure it out in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit welcome. If you like my fic, come chat with me [on tumblr](http://voldiebuns.tumblr.com/) or maybe [buy me a coffee](http://ko-fi.com/A7274PC).


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